


Blue

by for_the_love_of_wolves



Series: MCU Kink Bingo Spring 2020 [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Brain Damage, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Polyamory, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:08:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22408468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/for_the_love_of_wolves/pseuds/for_the_love_of_wolves
Summary: Leo Fitz's world is blue. When he finds his soulmate, he will see every other colour. At least he thought so. When he actually finds his soulmate, he only gets to see one other colour. He's confused. Until he understands. He has a lot of love to share ...
Relationships: Leo Fitz/Lance Hunter/Bobbi Morse/Jemma Simmons
Series: MCU Kink Bingo Spring 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1612651
Comments: 10
Kudos: 33
Collections: MCU Kink Bingo Round 4





	Blue

Leo Fitz’s world is blue.

At first, he doesn’t know that isn’t normal. Not until he is in pre-school and his teacher ask the kids to use yellow to paint the stars on their paper. Leo looks at his paper, then at his pencils, frowning in utter confusion. What does she mean with “yellow”? Leo gets nervous when everyone around him is already working. He hesitantly reaches for a pencil and begins to draw, until his teacher appears in front of him and scolds him, saying, “Leo, you weren’t supposed to use red for your stars!”

“What’s red?” Leo asks, and the teacher sends him home with a long letter for his mother. She reads it calmly. “Am I in trouble now?” Leo asks her. He worries mostly about his father’s reaction. When he comes home from work, he’s never in a good mood. But his mother laughs and shakes her head, opening her arms for him. He sinks into her embrace and runs his fingers over the fuzzy blue sweater she’s wearing. The fabric feels nice on his skin.

The other day, a doctor asks Leo to tell him the colour of a toy car. “It’s blue,” Leo tells him. This is kind of pointless, he feels. But since his mother asked him to be nice and do everything he’s asked, he plays the game. Everything the doctor shows him is blue. The book with the pictures of monkeys in it. The sweet smelling flowers. And the plush dog. Everything. Light blue. Dark blue. Blue.

The doctor nods. He doesn’t seem to be surprised. Exactly like his mother. “You are going to see every colour of the world, as soon as you find your soulmate,” his mother later explains to him. “It’s something that … runs in the family. It means you are special, Leo. Your heart, your love. It’s special. Now you see blue. And soon, you will see red, yellow, green. All colours. You just have to be a bit more patient.”

Leo doesn’t understand. He is confused. But with time, he understands that not everything in the world is blue. Only for him. The sun is actually “yellow”, the grass is “green” and the fire is “red”. He looks around and wishes he could see. But at least, a lot of nice things are actually blue. Like the sky. Or the ocean. Or his eyes, like his mother tells him. “They are very blue, Leo.”

And Leo learns to accept he doesn’t see everything as it really is. He learns to accept it will take some time until he can _see_. He imagines how it would be like to meet his soulmate. How it would feel like, to see every colour. Would it happen quickly? Like a flash? Or only slowly? He can’t wait. His excitement doesn’t even fade when his father calls everything about soulmates stupid and Leo a pathetic weakling who can’t even separate between red and blue shoes. It hurts to hear those words. When Leo is ten, his loud, angry and always disappointed father disappears. “Good luck finding your soulmate,” are his last spiteful words to his son. “I will,” Leo says firmly, watching as his father slams the door behind him.

He is sure he will find them. It’s just a matter of time. And he will give them all his love. Everything he can spare. Forever.

But the years pass without him finding his soulmate. Leo became Fitz and Fitz finishes each schoolyear with the best marks, but without any friends or a soulmate. His world is still blue. And slowly, he starts to hate the whole soulmate concept, like his father did. He is tired of seeing everything in blue. Tired of not being able to tell if he really has a blue shirt or a green shirt in his hands. At least, jeans are blue. So he doesn’t have to worry about them. He takes care he has a ton of blue shirts in his wardrobe, so he won’t mix any colours up. He doesn’t want to walk around like a clown.

His mother reassures him even when he’s about to give up every hint of hope. “You will find your soulmate, Leo,” she tells him. “It might take a while longer, but your soulmate is destined to you. So you will find each other.”

But Fitz can’t help feeling doubtful. What, if he doesn’t have a soulmate? Or, what if his soulmate died? What if he’s going to stay alone forever, seeing everything in blue until he dies? What if he’s never going to be able to see the world in all its colours? The sun, the grass, the fire ..

These depressing thoughts accompany Fitz through school. They stay with him when he gets accepted at the S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy of Science and Technology and flies to the States. Alone.

* * *

Academy is overwhelming. Fitz’s fellow students are much older. And everyone seems to walk around in groups. Fitz doesn’t feel like he fits in. Not at all. He walks through the hallways, his head lowered, and his shoulders slumped, hoping to look as unobtrusive as possible. He spends time between classes mostly in the library. The silent presence of the books is soothing. It also helps, that everyone is required to be quiet here. Loud people are exhausting him.

In the library, he meets Jemma Simmons for the first time.

He’s sitting at one of the tables in the studying area, enjoying the beams of sunlight falling through the big windows and warming his face. He’s reading, surrounded by heaps of books, his mind completely focused on the words in front of him.

“Excuse me?” Someone suddenly whispers right in front of him.

Fitz jumps. He looks up, into the face of a young woman who’s sitting at the table in front of him. He looks at her and feels like his breath is knocked out of his lungs. God. She’s beautiful. She smiles at him and raises a pencil. “Is this yours? It was on the floor.”

“Oh. Yeah. Uh. That’s mine.” Fitz tries to smile and hopes it doesn’t look like a grimace. “Thanks.” He reaches out to take the pencil from her. Their fingertips touch. It’s only a second. Just a volatile moment. But it’s enough. All of a sudden, Fitz sees something so bright and intense, he yelps and covers his eyes with both hands, jumping up and staggering away from the woman and this … this … new colour? Oh.

“Are you alright?”

Fitz carefully uncovers his eyes. Everyone is staring at him. The girl is too. But she doesn’t look bewildered. Instead, she looks worried.

“Uh … What … Your dress. Which … Which colour is it?” Fitz stammers, wiping a hand over his face. It comes back wet. He’s sweating.

She tilts her head, her eyes filling with both curiosity and mild confusion. “It’s yellow.”

Yellow. Fitz exhales softly. He looks at the pencil she’s still holding. It’s yellow as well.

“Are you alright?” The girl asks again.

“I think you are my soulmate,” Fitz says, swallowing heavily.

The girl gasps. She backs away slightly. And suddenly, Fitz feels cold. Is she going to turn away from him? Maybe she doesn’t want a soulmate. Maybe … she already has someone.

But then she says, “Maybe we should talk. Somewhere else. Outside.”

“Oh. Yeah. Okay,” Fitz stutters. She smiles at him and the relief glows warm inside of him. He follows her to the exit. On their way, he notices splotches of yellow in his familiar blue. It’s overwhelming. So he doesn’t notice at first, what’s missing. He just notices the girl which takes his hand and tells him her name. “Jemma Simmons.”

Jemma asks him to tell her about the soulmate concept. So Fitz does. He tells her that all his life, he has only been seeing blue. It’s something that runs in the family. He has to find his soulmate. Then, he will be able to see the other colours.

Jemma thinks about this for a long moment. A moment which Fitz makes Fitz anxious. But finally, she says, “Let’s get a cup of tea and talk, Fitz.”

And they do. They talk for hours, learning things about each other. The big things as well as the details. Fitz loves everything Jemma tells him. He loves her smile and the way she reaches up to run a hand through her hair. He finds he could look at her forever. He doesn’t want to leave her side ever again. She’s like the sun. He’s drawn towards her warmth.

“I can’t … Listen. I don’t want to discourage you or be rude, Fitz. But, I didn’t really believe in the concept of soulmates. And … Now I don’t know what to think. I want to be your friend. Really. But I don’t think I can be more than that. Not just now.”

“Of course,” Fitz breathes. He’s so relieved she wants to stay with him, everything else doesn’t matter. Jemma is amazing. Smart, kind and beautiful. And she wants to talk to him. To study with him. To eat pizza and watch movies with him. That’s so much more than he ever had. Spending time with her makes him happy.

They become friends quickly. Best friends.

Jemma brought yellow into his life. The brightest of all warm colours. Yellow for happiness and hope. Yellow for the sun.

The strange thing, that he realizes later is, all the other colours he knows should exist – like Red for passion and Green for growth – are still missing. He doesn’t understand. Jemma helps him when he works with something that isn’t blue or yellow. She guides his hands. And it’s alright. But … He really wishes he could know how her eyes look like.

He talks to his mother about it on the phone. First, she’s silent for a long time, as if she doesn’t know what to say, but when he finally hears her voice again, it’s full of emotions. “I think, you have a lot of love to share. A very big heart, Leo.”

He doesn’t quite understand what she means. Not yet.

* * *

The bottom of the ocean is dark. Dark blue. Fitz hates it. He hates that he can see it. He looks at Jemma and sees she’s scared though she tries to stay strong and brave and … God. He loves her. He tells her. Says the words, right before he presses a button that means his certain death. It’s alright. He found his soulmate although he thought he would never meet her. They were part of a wonderful team and he could help people with his inventions. He didn’t get to see all the colours of the world. But it’s alright. Every moment he got to share with Jemma was enough.

He tells Jemma he loves her, presses the button and water rushes in, taking his breath away.

Black.

* * *

The lights blinding him when he opens his eyes for the first time in nine days are yellow. It’s a sharp and mind-numbing yellow. Fitz quickly closes his eyes again, wishing he could fall back into the merciful darkness. His body aches. His head feels heavy and numb. He can’t seem to be able to catch a single coherent thought.

Someone is calling out his name. Jemma … He can’t see her.

Suddenly, there’s a warm hand on his and he knows it’s hers. “Fitz … Oh Fitz.”

Fitz tries to say her name. But he can’t. He chokes on the word. It makes him panic and hyperventilate. Jemma says something to him, but he can’t understand her words. They give him something that makes him fall asleep.

When he wakes up later, he feels lightheaded and dizzy. They tell him what’s wrong with him.

He almost drowned. Jemma pulled him to the surface and they were saved. He suffered brain damage. Aphasia. 

The doctors are talking to him in a slow and forced sympathetic way that makes Fitz want to throw up.

They tell him he can get back to almost normal. With a lot of therapy. Fitz doesn’t think so. He thinks he’s truly useless now. Pathetic. Weak. Instead of in water, he drowns in self-pity now.

Jemma looks at him differently. It makes him want to look away from her. Eventually, on a rainy day he spends hidden under a blanket, trying to wish his headache away, Jemma tells him she will be in England for a while, her voice trembling. Visiting her parents. Fitz doesn’t react. He hears her leave the room hesitantly and closes his eyes.

Now, the colour blue fits him perfectly. Blue for rainy days and misery.

The only more fitting colour now would be grey – for the depression keeping him from moving.

He’s a mess. And now his soulmate is gone.

Somehow, Fitz finds the strength to go on. At least most of the times. He attends physical therapy and gets out of bed. He tries to learn to talk again. It’s a slow and painful process. But what else is he supposed to do. There’s a team that needs him. And maybe … maybe Jemma will return if he gets better. Maybe.

* * *

Lance Hunter is everything Fitz is not.

He’s quick with words. Charming but also cheeky. Attractive. Strong.

Fitz likes him from the first second.

Lance seems to like him too, for some weird reason. He always smiles at Fitz and pats his back when he manages to find a solution for something, calling him smart. Or brilliant. It really sounds like he means it. Fitz always blushes in these moments, his heart beating faster.

Once, on one of his many aimless walks through the hallways of the base – he mostly manages to walk without crutches by now – he finds Hunter training his shooting skills. He stops to watch him, flinching at every shot, but something about this, something about Hunter is standing there, solid and strong, always his hitting his aim, is touching something inside him.

When Hunter notices him, he smiles at Fitz. “Hello, love.”

This. Hunter always uses these words … Love, darling, mate. He does it so naturally. 

Hunter relaxes and stretches like a cat, his eyes never leaving Fitz’s. “Do you want to try this too?” He asks, cocking his head and raising the gun. 

Fitz shrugs. He still doesn’t like to talk. The words are failing him at the worst possible moments.

Hunter smiles and approaches him, wiping his face with a towel. “Here.” He hands Fitz the gun. “Show me how you hold it.”

Fitz does. He’s glad he manages to not let the gun drop. His hand is still trembling like a leaf in the wind from time to time. Hunter looks at his grip critically and then reaches out to adjust it. When his finger touch Fitz’s skin, it feels like an electric jolt and Fitz gasps when there’s something like a flash in front of his eyes. He looks up at Hunter and sees that his towel is … It’s … God. It’s bright and blinds his eyes. Fitz groans.

Hunter looks at him frowning. “You’re alright, love?”

Fitz inhales sharply. “What … what …” God. He forgot the bloody word. “Uh … Your … Your towel. Which … How does it …” He’s desperate. He wants to vanish.

But then Hunter says, “It’s red.” Like he knows. Like he read Fitz’s mind.

_Red._

Oh.

Fitz takes a step back. He can’t believe it. He … But Jemma. Jemma! She’s his soulmate. She’s …

“Fitz? What’s wrong?” Hunter asks, now sounding worried.

Fitz shakes his head, swallowing around the lump that seems to be stuck in his throat. “You’re … You’re my … Soul-soul-“

“-mate?” Hunter finishes for him, blinking.

Fitz nods, feeling grateful.

Hunter gapes at him, looking absolutely stunned. Fitz still wants to vanish. Because … Well. This is Hunter. And he’s … him. His very own useless slow and boring self. Why should someone like Hunter want to be stuck with someone like Fitz. He moves to turn around and leave. But then Hunter says, “Okay. Cool.”

_Cool._

Hunter wants Fitz to tell him about soulmates. So Fitz does. Hunter’s eyes widen and lighten up with every word. When Fitz is finished with his explanation, Hunter leans over and cups Fitz’s face in his hands, staring into his eyes. “Okay?” He asks. Fitz just nods. He can’t breathe. Hunter kisses him. His lips are warm and a bit rough. Fitz likes how they feel. He makes a noise into Hunter’s mouth, parting his lips a bit, and Hunter groans, grabbing the back of Fitz’s head.

He’s like fire.

And Fitz needs a lot of time to figure this out. But he does. He remembers his mother’s words. There’s a lot of love in him. And since he still doesn’t see every colour – but, oh, now he can see what fire looks like. It’s stunning. Once he watches the bonfire with Hunter’s arms wrapped around him from behind and can’t avert his gaze from the dancing flames – Fitz figures, there’s even more love left for yet someone else.

Lance brought red into his life. Red for passion. For fire. For energy and power.

Lance helps him getting stronger again. Lance teaches him shooting and a bit of fighting. He leads Fitz to a punching bag when Fitz is so frustrated with himself, he’s pulling at his own hair hard. He wraps his arms around Fitz when he’s crying because he dropped a glass of water or didn’t find a bloody important word. He’s there.

* * *

Jemma’s back. And she’s not alone.

She brings Bobbi Morse into the base. Bobbi, who saved Jemma when she was working for Hydra undercover. Fitz still can’t believe no one told him the truth. He’s … Yes. He’s pissed. He’s pissed at Jemma for walking away and risking her life somewhere without him knowing. She’s his soulmate. Of course, that doesn’t mean he owns her, but it means he cares for her deeply. How could she do this to him?

And when Jemma tries to talk to him, Fitz turns away. He turns away, rather joining Lance in front of the television. Lance feels his agitation and distress. He wraps his arms around Fitz and pulls him close to his chest, until Fitz can listen to his steady heartbeat. It calms him down.

Fitz isn’t very surprised, when he sees Jemma and Bobbi walking in sometime later, their hands casually touching. They share certain glances. Heat in their eyes. Something inside his chest twists painfully. But he doesn’t say anything.

He doesn’t say anything, when Jemma looks at him for a short moment, before disappearing with Bobbi.

Jemma’s wearing a red shirt. It looks lovely on her. But she doesn’t even know Fitz can see red now. Fitz presses his face against Hunter’s neck and tries to breathe calmly.

* * *

“Jemma would really like to talk to you, you know?” Bobbi says, leaning against the lab table, her arms crossed as she looks down at him sternly.

Fitz doesn’t look up from his work. He’s supporting his head on both hands, feeling tired and empty. He has a headache. But he has to finish this. Has to … to figure out how to help the team. He has to be useful.

“You know … You maybe should take a break, Fitz,” Bobbi says after a while, now sounding a bit worried.

Fitz sighs. “Don’t tell me what to – to do,” he grumbles irritated.

“I don’t. I just care about you and think you look exhausted. Breaks are healthy and sometimes, you can work a lot better after them,” Bobbi says softly.

Fitz looks up at her surprised. She cares about him? But … Why?

Bobbi smiles at him. She reaches out to gently brush her fingers against his shoulder. Her touch is warm – and it burns right into his heart with gentle flames. Fitz gasps. Bobbi frowns. She takes her hand away. “You’re alright?”

Fitz looks around and exhales softly. “Ah. What’s the … the colour of this note?”

“Green,” Bobbi says.

Green. Another colour. Another soulmate.

By now, Fitz considers himself an expert. He looks at Bobbi and says, “I have to tell you something.”

She takes it pretty well. Like Hunter. Hunter, who she has feelings for still. Hunter, who returns these feelings but loves Fitz as well. Fitz doesn’t see a mess in this. He sees something clicking into place. A puzzle being completed. With a bit of work.

Bobbi brings green into Fitz’s life. Green for growth and renewal. Green for home – the hills of Scotland.

She helps him to accept help better and to be kinder to himself.

* * *

“They’re both your soulmates,” Jemma says slowly, her eyes widening. “Really?”

Fitz nods. He’s nervous. This is the first time they’re really talking since … Well. Since she left. “Yeah. You too,” he says carefully.

Jemma makes a soft disbelieving noise in the back of her throat. “So … You have three soulmates. You can see every colour now?”

“Almost. It will get better with time. Time I spend with my soulmates,” Fitz explains, fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. It’s blue. And now he really knows it, because everything else is green, red or yellow.

Jemma nods slowly. “Alright. Wow. Uhm. You know that, me and Bobbi …” She sighs. “I kissed her. When we were undercover. It kind of happened. I really like her.”

Fitz hums. “I like her too. And I like you. And Lance.”

Jemma bites her lip. “Me?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Even after what I …”

“Yes, Jemma. I get it.”

“And you’re not going to … to choose?”

“No. I don’t have to.” Neither do you, Fitz adds in silence. You don't have to choose. You just have to let in.

Jemma smiles weakly. “Do you think we could, uh, start from the beginning?”

Fitz laughs. “Being seventeen and achingly shy?”

Jemma’s smile widens. She reaches out her hand. “Jemma Simmons, Biochemistry.”

Fitz takes her hand, shaking it softly. “Leo Fitz. Engineering.”

* * *

Fitz knows how Jemma’s eyes look like. They are like warm honey, when the sun shines on it. On darker rainy days, they are oak wood. He loves them.

He also loves Hunter’s eyes, speckled with sparkling green. And he loves Bobbi’s

Sometimes, he spends a lot of time just staring at his loved ones, cataloguing every little detail. Every little shade of colour.

By now, having spent a lot of times with all his soulmates together, there’s barely a tone he can’t identify. His world has never been so colourful. And so warm.

On a mild day in late spring, they’re all laying on a blanket on a meadow covered in wildflowers – lilac, white, yellow – looking up at the sky and having fun trying to see animals in the clouds.

An especially big cloud floats over the sky and Lance claims he sees a whale, but Bobbi snorts and says it’s a sheep. Jemma sees a pig. Fitz is too distracted by all their laughs to look at the cloud. He looks between them and feels happy. Just happy.

Life is good now.

They share watermelon and home-made lemonade, bickering about who gets to eat the rest of cake, until Fitz grabs it and eats it. He ends up laying on his back laughing and wheezing while Lance and Jemma tickle him everywhere they can. Bobbi watches the scene and shakes her head, an amused smile lingering on her face.

They are fine.

* * *

When Fitz phones his mother on Christmas, he’s so happy to her voice, his heart fills with longing. He could see now. Could see how his mother’s eyes and hair looks like.

“Leo,” she says warmly. “Have you find them?”

“Yes,” Fitz says, smiling. “I found them. And they found me.”

“Good,” his mother says softly. “Are you happy?”

“Oh yes. I am.” So very happy.

He looks out the window, where Bobbi and Jemma throw snowballs at a fleeing Hunter, laughing and high fiving each other. His smile widens. “I’m very happy.”

They are his world.


End file.
